I want to see the manager

I have known this for quite some time but it has hit me again in the face as I read the glitches that are taking place where I work.  If you complain you will get free shit.  Now I have been known to chuck a spaz now and again when things are really crappy but only and I repeat only when the establishment is marketing themselves as something they are not.  I never do it to reap a reward for the crap service I pointed out to them.  It is becoming so apparent that many people chuck a fit because they know it will score them free shit.  Here is one.

A guest calls the Front Desk about 11pm and complains he just can not get to sleep because the birds are too loud.  The Front Desk manager goes out to the tree and scares them away.  An hour later the guest calls back to the desk and complains that the birds are back and keeping him awake.  He demands an upgrade to a suite for the inconvenience.  Are you kidding me?  For the love of god and all that's holy, just deal with it, its nature.

Christmas in Sydney

Family traditions vary from country to country but one of the greatest I have found down under is the massive amounts of lobster, crab and prawns (there are no shrimp here mate).  This feasting is followed by a lovely layout and sleep at the beach to sleep off the coma.

So grab your board, don't forget your boardies and enjoy the summer in Sydney, it's Christmas Day Mate!

Actual letter that has won an award

This is an "actual letter" from an Austin, Texas woman sent to Proctor and Gamble regarding one of their feminine products. She really gets rolling after the first paragraph. This was PC Magazine's 2009 Editors' Choice award-winner for the best letter sent via e-mail.

Dear Mr. Thatcher, I have been a loyal user of your 'Always' maxi pads for over 20 years and I appreciate many of their features. Why, without the LeakGuard Core or Dri-Weave absorbency, I'd probably never go horseback riding or salsa dancing, and I'd certainly steer clear of running up and down the beach in tight, white shorts. But my favorite feature has to be your revolutionary Flexi-Wings. Kudos on being the only company smart enough to realize how crucial it is that maxi pads be aerodynamic I can't tell you how safe and secure I feel each month knowing there's a little F-16 in my pants.

Have you ever had a menstrual period, Mr. Thatcher? I'm guessing you haven't. Well, my time of the month is starting right now. As I type, I can already feel hormonal forces violently surging through my body. Just a few minutes from now, my body will adjust and I'll be transformed into what my husband likes to call 'an inbred hillbilly with knife skills.' Isn't the human body amazing?

As Brand Manager in the Feminine-Hygiene Division, you've no doubt seen quite a bit of research on what exactly happens during your customer's monthly visits from 'Aunt Flo'. Therefore, you must know about the bloating, puffiness, and cramping we endure, and about our intense mood swings, crying jags, and out-of-control behavior. You surely realize it's a tough time for most women. The point is, sir, you of all people must realize that America is just crawling with homicidal maniacs in Capri pants...

Which brings me to the reason for my letter. Last month, while in the throes of cramping so painful I wanted to reach inside my body and yank out my uterus, I opened an Always maxi-pad, and there, printed on the adhesive backing, were these words: 'Have a Happy Period.'
Are you f------ kidding me? What I mean is, does any part of your tiny middle-manager brain really think happiness - actual smiling, laughing happiness, is possible during a menstrual period? Did anything mentioned above sound the least bit pleasurable? Well, did it, James? FYI, unless you're some kind of sick S&M freak, there will never be anything 'happy' about a day in which you have to jack yourself up on Motrin and Kahlua and lock yourself in your house just so you don't march down to the local Walgreen's armed with a hunting rifle and a sketchy plan to end your life in a blaze of glory.

For the love of God, pull your head out, man! If you have to slap a moronic message on a maxi pad, wouldn't it make more sense to say something that's actually pertinent, like 'Put down the Hammer' or 'Vehicular Manslaughter is Wrong'. Sir, please inform your Accounting Department that, effective immediately, there will be an $8 drop in monthly profits, for I have chosen to take my maxi-pad business elsewhere. And though I will certainly miss your Flex-Wings, I will not for one minute miss your brand of condescending bullsh!t. And that's a promise I will keep. Always. . ... Mrs. W. Aarons Austin , TX

Sunday in the slums

It's not that we live in the slums. We live in the slums adjacent. Right outside our 2nd floor deck and a matter of feet away is the slums. On Sunday the residence gamble and watch the races on a tv positioned on the sidewalk. They cheer on their favorite pony being broadcast from Malaysia or Phuket. This of course is accompanied by much drinking of Mykong whiskey and Singha beer. They get wasted!

They play cards with a lookout, usually a teenaged kid, stationed at each end of the tunnel-like soi to keep an eye out for the police. Not that they would be ticketed or arrested, no these police grab the cash sitting in the pot and run with it.

Yes, it's Sunday in the slums and the place is going crazy. Come on over!

Bangkok is more than "me ruv you rong time"

Most of the dumbass farangs (foreigners) who come to this city never know what Bangkok is truly about. They think getting drunk and having a Thai blowjob at Nana Plaza is a Bangkok experience. There is so much more to this city.

Today I was given a tour of the ruins of the old city "across the river" where life is different, where opportunities are for those that come from a background of an Indian and Chinese heritage.  Walking through blocks of land that have Chinese shrines of 80+ years, knowing that people lived off the land and river for generations makes the farang experience seem so shallow.

When the Burmese burned down the capital city of Ayutthaya in the late 1700s and the seat of power was moved to Bangkok, they first settled across the river where we were walking.  Today I saw walls of ancient palaces and government houses now lying in ruins, just waiting to be brought back to life and appreciated.  This is the city that makes Bangkok as famous for its history as for its sex industry.

Now please understand, I am not saying this is still not a fucked up country with its politics and separation of classes.  But get behind the scenes and off the streets for the real Bangkok to see what no one else sees and understands.

Let's play Guess Where the People are Flying?

Ok friends, yesterday it was time to play, Guess Where the People are Flying?  This is when you walk through DFW and you have to guess where the waiting people are heading.  You know that the blondes are all going to LA, the latin model types are all heading to Miami.  Now the toughy, when you have a crowd of overweight pasty white people sitting there it could be many places.  Could be Detroit or Minneapolis or even St. Louis.  The point is, it's getting harder to tell these days since America is getting fatter by the day. 

Need some humor?

Now that the protests are over and the city is back to as close to normal as it can be.  I thought it time for some humor.  NPR is something I miss from the US but here it is on SNL.

A Country Destroyed

Update since last night:  The 17 story Zen Department Store which includes a roof top restaurant and True Fitness has been burned and is now collapsing.  Central World Shopping area, 500 stores through 8 floors is now burned and destroyed.  The Channel 3 Television station is now burned and had staff on the roof trapped until a helicopter rescued them.  There were 32 fires around the city last night, mainly banks.  The Army is finding grenades and bombs still set on the roads and periodically we hear the explosion.  Reds are reported to be surfacing tonight and moving in small groups so we are staying in.

This is an updated look back at the last 4 days.

An oldie but a goodie

In April 2009 when the protestors ended a 3 day riot in the streets of Bangkok, I used the old line from Gone with the Wind, "It's over, it's really over".  Here we are a year + later and I want to use the same phrase.  Unfortunately, it is only the first step to being over.  Here is the sequence today:

6:30am     The Army came in, taking down the barricades
11am        The Army had made it to Rajadamri Road and was moving toward the stage
1:30pm     The Red Shirt leaders surrendered and walked to the police headquarters to turn themselves in
2:30pm     Bangkok erupts in fire as the Reds plan to burn the place down

So, thus far we have seen Chidlom, Ploenchit, Rama IV and now Sukhumvit all ignited.  They are now targeting media companies, Channel 3 is on fire.  A mob group just arrived to NBT, another television station and a group is heading to The Nation newspaper HQ.

Remember this is the Land of Smiles...my ass it is.

It's a beautiful day in the neighborhood... Mr. Rogers schadap!

As the conflict continues here in Bangkok, we are forced to stay indoors as much as possible, no food delivery, no grocery stores and the street lights are all turned out in the neighborhood at night.  I'm not trying to dramatize the situation by adding more photos but it is something I have not gone through before and find it quite fascinating.

If you have been to this neighborhood, you will recognize some of the landmarks in the background of the photos.  Credit to the Boston Globe, great shots.  I know the music makes it over the top.

Bangkok Violence Continues

About 13 months ago I wrote a small piece on Dan the Man from CNN.  How he was a bit on the emotional side of the reporting compared to the ABC (Australian).  Now we are faced with the same but worse situation.  Here is a piece that I think he has done pretty well in that the emotion is out and may be even a bit flat.

As you watch the grocery store in the piece that is Villa Market which is about 100 meters from us and our main shopping store.  The battles you see are about 200 meters from us and there are reports that there are bullets strikes in the buildings at the end of our driveway.  Anyway, we are safe and have food and of course rum for a week should the shit really hit the fan.

Who day shootin at?

Today's little nugget of Red Shirt vs the Thai government comes from the roof top pool of our building.  Earlier this morning we heard a helicopter hovering, not sure if it was army or news.  Turns out it was army.  One lonely army helicopter.  Who was in it, not sure.

What we did see and hear were bottle rockets being launched into the sky.  Seriously, good old fashioned New Year type fireworks being launched from bamboo tubes, hoping that they would hit the helicopter which was hovering a good 400 meters above us.  What do the reds think they will accomplish by shooting bottle rockets in the sky?  Give me a break.

Is Thailand moving to civil war? I sure hope not!

Here is a video which is not typical CNN quality, it's better.  CNN will show anything of top drama quality just to sell some more ad time.  This time I think they got it right.  Must be that Dan "the man" Rivers is down under in New Zealand or elsewhere and not covering this event.

Not to send panic to anyone or be dramatic like CNN but this is my neighborhood of which I live and work.

Songkran - Thai New Year!

Songkran is once again on us and with it come the water terrorists that head to the streets with water cannons and buckets of iced water to throw at passers by.  No one is spared from this ritual and everyone ends up wet and beating the unbearable heat with it.

However, this Songkran has a new twist, Red Shirt protestors are out in mass force on the city streets doing as they would in their home towns but this time carrying the message of deposed Prime Minister Thaksin.

Just three short days ago, a normally wet and fun area, Khao San road, turned bloody and was left in shambles with assault vehicles burned and tear gas canisters rolling in the gutter.

Today tourists and Thais alike are spraying each other with water including this elephant which delivers quite the water spray.

Let's get our world back to normal now and enjoy this holiday for what it should be and not as a time of mourning for those that lost their lives at the hand of the red shirts.

Red Shirts - They just keep coming

I know the world has been reading and seeing our "red shirt" situation in Bangkok.  Seriously, they just won't go away.  Today they decided to shut down their other camps in the city and are now all camped out, literally camped like refugees, down Rajadamri Rd.  No one sees an end to this.  If the Prime Minister steps down and turns it over to the reds, there will be mass rioting by the yellow shirts.  Then the fun and games start all over again.

Here are some photos of recent.

Red Shirts for the love of god!

We are now in the 3rd week of protesting and in our 7th day of full on occupation of the busiest shopping district in Asia, not to mention this is where I live.  So many of these yahoos have no idea what they are fighting for as long as they get their 500 thb each day.  They are sleeping in the streets, pissing all over the place and truly making their country a complete mess.  Do they not care?  Do they not know that once this is finished they will be no better off and will have only damaged their country's future?



Here are some pics of what is happening.  While so far no real violence has erupted, when you see these temperatures (its 40C/104F) these temperaments, and a puppet master pulling the strings from afar, you have a tense situation.

Reds

It seems the tuk tuk drivers are the easiest bought and persuaded in this recurring battle of red vs yellow. While the Red Shirts didn't quite get their 1,000,000 members marching on Bangkok, I bet they did get 1,000 tuk tuk drivers. If you know Bangkok, you know that tuk tuk drivers will do anything for a baht.  So it's only appropriate they are the ones to be on the street in masses.

My hat goes off to PM Abhisit who has kept his cool and not bowed to the circus acts presented by the opposition. (Notice I didn't even use the other guy's name?  Not worth it anymore.)

TEA Party

I have just returned from a trip to the US to find that American's are now into the TEA Party with the leader on the tele being none other than Sarah "I live next door to Russia and can see it from my kitchen window" Palin.  Are you kidding?  What dumb asses are following this woman?  Boom Goes the Dynamite!

One last thing, could someone please for the love of GOD and all that's holy give American's back their G.  Who took the G away?  killin, runnin, winnin, eatin...F#@k, where is the G?

Armageddon, Armageddon

I am sure this has been around a while since I had received it in 2005.  But I found it again today as I was deleting emails and it never loses its value for a Friday Funny.

What happened to Hong Kong?

I have been coming to Hong Kong for many years and it has always had this energy and buzz.  Similar to Tokyo; black suits, hustling about, moving through the network of underground MTR stations.  Escalators packed with standing people on the right, walkers on the left.

Now I am back and what the hell happened?  I'll tell you what happened, iPods, iPhones and technology.  Now there are people weaving while they text.  Talkers who just suddenly stop in the middle of the train entrance to speak to someone.  We rely on this city for its frantic pace and energy.  We know that it will only take x minutes to cross from Causeway Bay to Tsim Sha Tui with everyone walking the same pace.

I want my Hong Kong back.

Bangkok Street Food

Every street and soi in Bangkok every day is filled with street vendors selling just about every food you need.  Som Tom, Dim Sum, Thai Omlette, Noodles with blood soup (ugh) and fresh fruits and squeezed juices.  The thing that all vendors have in common no matter what the menu, is the little plastic bag.  The food or drink is served in the bag, they then hand it over in another bag.  Bags Bags everywhere!

Today for the first time I ate something off the street.  Dim Sum (steamed) each in a small bag, the soy sauce was in a separate bag blended with fresh chilies, then all of them were put into another bag.

So far I haven't gotten sick and my system would have expelled it if it wasn't good.  I may be back.

Hair Cuts

Everyone goes to their regular place and gets their regular cut, some times shorter, longer or layers or not, but in Thailand it's hard to find that place.  "Just a clean up" ends up an inch off and a look of shock on my face.  Hold the phone and WTF?  I have gone to Japanese cutters since they are exact and precise but there is a reason they are no longer in Japan.  Do I really need to fly off to western worlds to get a good cut?  I really don't think that's possible.  Oy!

Tucker Max

I am sure that all people living in North America have heard of him and of his movie/book.  Really he is a self admitting asshole, drunk, social moron, but his stories just make you laugh.  Not so much that you want to actually live them or find yourself jealous in any way of him.  Just funny that some schmuck could put himself in such situations and wrote about them.

A good friend who recommends books to me, typically on the edge type of books, sent me this one.  Now she is a live wire of a Japanese woman living in Singapore and now I know she has a dark side.  Always suspected it!

I have listed Tucker Max's web blog on my list of recommends just because I want people to laugh and put it all in perspective.  Apparently he never updates so it won't be there forever.

Go ahead, laugh your fucking ass off.  One of my favorites is the blow job stories.

(If you are offended by this last statement, don't go over to the web site.)