Zen Zen Daijobu

Bangkok's Lady Boys

2012-01-03T16:35:00.003+07:00

A funny little piece from the office today. All names have been changed to protect the guilty. Remember this is a quoted piece, so excuse the grammar.

Description:
Guest called F/D and questioned why we allow Lady boy come to hotel.

Recovery Description:
We informed guest that visitors was called by our guests and when they arrived, they need to contact us before get into the guest room and we will keep their ID card for security. However if visitors came with the guest, we could not screen who they are and stop them. Guest seem to be understand but still feel we should not allow lady boy come to hotel. GSO thank for his comment.

Remark :
Guest travel with his thai "girlfriend". After they checked in and went to the lift there had one guest and one lady boy who talk with his girlfriend which guest not happy with this.

Did the guest think the Lady Boy would try to steal his Thai hooker? Loving Thailand.

Amazing Thailand

2011-12-27T14:46:00.000+07:00

Thailand is more than just amazing smiles. It is the place you can have amazing surgeries. For just a fraction of the cost, a hospital is advertising procedures that range from the common tummy tuck and butt lift to the obscure sexual reassignment surgery. And what is that second one anyway? Yes, Amazing Thailand is continuing to amaze me.

Has this ever happened to you?

2011-12-15T13:39:00.000+07:00

This could only happen to a guy; so what would you do? You are standing at the urinal; one hand holding your jacket and one hand on your johnson, when a mosquito flies towards your face, landing on your forehead. Now you have three options as I see it.

A. Move the hand holding your jacket and slap the mosquito, thus getting you suit coat wet.
2. Release your johnson risking a "wild fire hose" effect and soaking your pants and your shoes.
c. Do nothing and let the little bugger bite you, causing you see clients the rest of the day with a little red dot on your forehead.

What would you do?

The Mother-in-law Chronicles

2011-11-10T06:47:00.000+07:00

I wish I had a dollar for every time I have heard this phrase over the last two weeks, "Becca, I can't believe you don't already have your bag packed, when do you plan on doing that?" For those not in the circle, Bec isn't due until the end of January, plenty of time to "pack a bag" if we so desire.

In an informal Carolyn survey of unsuspecting bystandards, she found that actually no one has had a bag packed and the survey goes on to find, no one needed one. While disappointing to the surveyor, the harping continues none the less.

Last night we also heard a new one which needs special mention, "I hope you pull yourself together after the baby is born for decent photos, can't have bad photos you know".

Just 2 more days! Emirates, take her away!

The Mother-in-law Chronicles

2011-11-09T20:52:00.000+07:00

Today's Chronicle is when the MIL plays mind games with the dog. What a mind fuck it is when the MIL tries to make the dog feel bad for her not feeling his love. Here's the situation.

The MIL wants to take the dog for a walk. The dog is so tired of her shit he only goes with her if she lures him out with food. Once the dog has the food he bolts it back up the stairs and refuses to go back out with the MIL. For the remainder of the evening the MIL tries to make the dog feel guilty that her feelings are hurt.

You really think the dog gives a shit about her feelings? He just wanted the damn treat.

She doesn't have a clue.

The Mother-in-law Chronicles

2011-11-08T06:48:00.000+07:00

What are the boundaries one adheres to when visiting someone in their home? Does the visitor have the right to rearrange pictures on the wall just because they think a certain one would look better over there? Do they have the right to go through the desk of bank statements and investment documents and move all of them out, putting them in a separate box and tucked away in another room?

No, the mother-in-law doesn't have this right. I can tell you two things, #1 three weeks with us is toooo long and #2 the next time I am in Sydney, I am moving her shit around, just to piss her off.

Five days to go.

2011-11-02T20:28:00.000+07:00

BANGKOK POST 13 October 2011: Just a good read from Bangkok!

This little ditty was in the BP a couple of weeks ago on how to deal with strange things you find in the flood waters.

Alert rescuers when dealing with large creatures. In the case of smaller ones like scorpions or centipedes, use a long wooden stick to steer them into a bucket and cover it with a piece of cloth or blanket and wait for the rescuers, but keep children away. If the rescuers are too busy or far away, you may have to 'beat them to death', but if it happens to be a big snake, cover it with blankets and wait for a professional hand to arrive and deal with the problem.

As a safeguard against snakes, people should hit the ground or water with a wooden stick before stepping forward. However, the noise can alert crocodiles to attack them. Therefore stay quiet if you spot one. When attacked by the beast, try to stick in a wooden wedge before it is able to lock its jaws on you. It is a very difficult thing to do, but it is better than doing nothing to save your own life.

The Flood of the Century

2011-11-02T12:28:00.000+07:00

The title says it all except that it's not. We watch the news, we monitor Twitter and news feeds and nothing.

Now don't get me wrong, I'm not out looking for danger or wishing to get in to the heart of the action like having to evacuate my home or my family as so many have done. But, when friends are now making a game of it - Let's Go Flood Spotting and also Hunt for the Crocodiles, then we have a problem.

The problem is not the game itself, the problem is the action just hasn't come to us yet and yet we keep hearing about it. It's like hearing the roaring crowd of the stadium across the city and while you can't stand the game inside, you just want to know what's happening in there.

Up the duffski!

2011-07-09T16:18:00.002+07:00

Oh, the joys of morning sickness. Not really for mornings anymore!

Some good quotes:

"The dog's breath smells like used sanitary napkins. (Author's note: a few minutes ago, she said it smelled like old raw fish.)"

"I had to take off my nail polish, the color is making me throw up."

"New Blog idea for you, "Stuff my knocked up bitch says!" (I think she has a point.)"

Yes, we have made it to that point in our lives where we are going to expand the clan. To some, this may be the announcement, how do you bring this up to them in normal conversation at lunch? Gomen! To others, mainly just family, it is just proof in the pic.

Yes, we are up the duff and it seems like it will stick. The world is moving fast.

The Roon-in-ator

2011-05-10T20:48:00.000+07:00

The color of the taxi may be different and he may have put on a few pounds/kg, he may even have been missing for the last 9 months, but alas, the Roon-in-ator is back. Similar to last time, he found me on the street corner, waiting for me in the morning as I hailed a cab to take me the 15 minute walk to work. Khun Roon was there yelling, "Hey Boss, Hey Boss". I immediately welcomed him back.

Turns out his previous two tone red and blue taxi was repossessed for non payment and the sidewalk noodle stand didn't pan out just as he thought, but Khun Roon is back and still as funny and quirky as ever. To my knowledge he has no more children, already with two sets of twins from different mothers, and he immediately wanted to know about Khun Boss Lady and if she was "baby?". Sorry to disappoint.

There IS normalcy in Bangkok, even if it took 9 months for him to return. Just in time for the rainy season to begin.

Which Fag to Fly

2011-04-26T12:38:00.000+07:00

A funny note from today's emails. Definitely worth sharing.

We are on the process of the 5 fag poles installation ,just to let you know we have to purchase 10 national fags as per your list , have check with banquet there are no any fag that size for fag no. 7 can you let us know what fag and do they will bring here with them or we have to purchase please let us know ASAP krub

Regarding the cost of fags what account we can refer to krub.

You just have to laugh at this.

Death in Thailand

2011-02-05T10:45:00.000+07:00

Funeral ceremonies can be from 3 days to a year long.

Death in Thailand is a unique experience for not only the person in the box I would imagine but for those left in the audience. Here are a few things that happened this week that I find fascinating and troubling all at the same time.

Religion in many ways is better than people. You look at some of the turmoil and strifes affecting countries and regions around the world and many times it is in the name of religion. In general, the purpose of religion is to do good for people and give them hope or something to look forward too, be it in life or death. People on the other hand are the cause of why religion turns evil. The teachings say one thing and the people do another. Take the catholic church for instance. The bible teaches good while the priests embezzle and become pedophiles. In the Buddhist religion, the monks live a life of simplicity but the people cheat and steal from one another to better themselves and gain control and power over each other. In both examples, not a very good way of living if you want to get to a better place after the box.

As you can see, wreaths with the sender's name or company are placed in the temple to show the family that they care. But what does it show to the family when a limo company who manages and owns a large fleet of Mercedes, hires a motorbike taxi to deliver the wreath? Not only that, but then the motorbike driver pulls out additional flowers and garnish to finish the wreath while the service is taking place. It seems everyone does a little bit of everything in Thailand.

Funerals in Thailand are no different from everyday life. There are those with money and considered higher class and there are those that do not have the means and considered lower class. So in a funeral temple, there has to be the VIP section for the Hi-So mourners. This is an obvious section designated by more comfortable chairs and coffee and tea service. So respected is this VIP section that no one can leave the temple once the service is over until the VIPs have left the room first. All must remain seated or at least in your seating area.

Sometimes the deceased is of such great stature or perhaps the family is of that level that the temple must set up Mezzanine seating. This is generally outdoors and across the walkway. I didn't see any VIPs sitting in that section for sure.

The final interesting note is that in all walks of Thai life there is food; funeral services are no different. When the monks take a break, out comes the snack boxes, usually sponsored by a company or family other than that of the deceased. Everyone breaks them open like a picnic lunch and enjoys a little nibble while the dead just hang out up front.

Yes, in Thailand, there are many unique experiences and this week was one I will not forget.

I want to see the manager

2010-12-28T07:31:00.000+07:00

I have known this for quite some time but it has hit me again in the face as I read the glitches that are taking place where I work. If you complain you will get free shit. Now I have been known to chuck a spaz now and again when things are really crappy but only and I repeat only when the establishment is marketing themselves as something they are not. I never do it to reap a reward for the crap service I pointed out to them. It is becoming so apparent that many people chuck a fit because they know it will score them free shit. Here is one.

A guest calls the Front Desk about 11pm and complains he just can not get to sleep because the birds are too loud. The Front Desk manager goes out to the tree and scares them away. An hour later the guest calls back to the desk and complains that the birds are back and keeping him awake. He demands an upgrade to a suite for the inconvenience. Are you kidding me? For the love of god and all that's holy, just deal with it, its nature.

Christmas in Sydney

2010-12-25T15:08:00.000+07:00

Family traditions vary from country to country but one of the greatest I have found down under is the massive amounts of lobster, crab and prawns (there are no shrimp here mate). This feasting is followed by a lovely layout and sleep at the beach to sleep off the coma.

So grab your board, don't forget your boardies and enjoy the summer in Sydney, it's Christmas Day Mate!

Actual letter that has won an award

2010-10-05T20:14:00.000+07:00

This is an "actual letter" from an Austin, Texas woman sent to Proctor and Gamble regarding one of their feminine products. She really gets rolling after the first paragraph. This was PC Magazine's 2009 Editors' Choice award-winner for the best letter sent via e-mail.

Dear Mr. Thatcher, I have been a loyal user of your 'Always' maxi pads for over 20 years and I appreciate many of their features. Why, without the LeakGuard Core or Dri-Weave absorbency, I'd probably never go horseback riding or salsa dancing, and I'd certainly steer clear of running up and down the beach in tight, white shorts. But my favorite feature has to be your revolutionary Flexi-Wings. Kudos on being the only company smart enough to realize how crucial it is that maxi pads be aerodynamic I can't tell you how safe and secure I feel each month knowing there's a little F-16 in my pants.

Have you ever had a menstrual period, Mr. Thatcher? I'm guessing you haven't. Well, my time of the month is starting right now. As I type, I can already feel hormonal forces violently surging through my body. Just a few minutes from now, my body will adjust and I'll be transformed into what my husband likes to call 'an inbred hillbilly with knife skills.' Isn't the human body amazing?

As Brand Manager in the Feminine-Hygiene Division, you've no doubt seen quite a bit of research on what exactly happens during your customer's monthly visits from 'Aunt Flo'. Therefore, you must know about the bloating, puffiness, and cramping we endure, and about our intense mood swings, crying jags, and out-of-control behavior. You surely realize it's a tough time for most women. The point is, sir, you of all people must realize that America is just crawling with homicidal maniacs in Capri pants...

Which brings me to the reason for my letter. Last month, while in the throes of cramping so painful I wanted to reach inside my body and yank out my uterus, I opened an Always maxi-pad, and there, printed on the adhesive backing, were these words: 'Have a Happy Period.'
Are you f------ kidding me? What I mean is, does any part of your tiny middle-manager brain really think happiness - actual smiling, laughing happiness, is possible during a menstrual period? Did anything mentioned above sound the least bit pleasurable? Well, did it, James? FYI, unless you're some kind of sick S&M freak, there will never be anything 'happy' about a day in which you have to jack yourself up on Motrin and Kahlua and lock yourself in your house just so you don't march down to the local Walgreen's armed with a hunting rifle and a sketchy plan to end your life in a blaze of glory.

For the love of God, pull your head out, man! If you have to slap a moronic message on a maxi pad, wouldn't it make more sense to say something that's actually pertinent, like 'Put down the Hammer' or 'Vehicular Manslaughter is Wrong'. Sir, please inform your Accounting Department that, effective immediately, there will be an $8 drop in monthly profits, for I have chosen to take my maxi-pad business elsewhere. And though I will certainly miss your Flex-Wings, I will not for one minute miss your brand of condescending bullsh!t. And that's a promise I will keep. Always. . ... Mrs. W. Aarons Austin , TX

Sunday in the slums

2010-09-26T15:26:00.000+07:00

It's not that we live in the slums. We live in the slums adjacent. Right outside our 2nd floor deck and a matter of feet away is the slums. On Sunday the residence gamble and watch the races on a tv positioned on the sidewalk. They cheer on their favorite pony being broadcast from Malaysia or Phuket. This of course is accompanied by much drinking of Mykong whiskey and Singha beer. They get wasted!

They play cards with a lookout, usually a teenaged kid, stationed at each end of the tunnel-like soi to keep an eye out for the police. Not that they would be ticketed or arrested, no these police grab the cash sitting in the pot and run with it.

Yes, it's Sunday in the slums and the place is going crazy. Come on over!

Bangkok is more than "me ruv you rong time"

2010-08-01T17:37:00.004+07:00

Most of the dumbass farangs (foreigners) who come to this city never know what Bangkok is truly about. They think getting drunk and having a Thai blowjob at Nana Plaza is a Bangkok experience. There is so much more to this city.

Today I was given a tour of the ruins of the old city "across the river" where life is different, where opportunities are for those that come from a background of an Indian and Chinese heritage. Walking through blocks of land that have Chinese shrines of 80+ years, knowing that people lived off the land and river for generations makes the farang experience seem so shallow.

When the Burmese burned down the capital city of Ayutthaya in the late 1700s and the seat of power was moved to Bangkok, they first settled across the river where we were walking. Today I saw walls of ancient palaces and government houses now lying in ruins, just waiting to be brought back to life and appreciated. This is the city that makes Bangkok as famous for its history as for its sex industry.

Now please understand, I am not saying this is still not a fucked up country with its politics and separation of classes. But get behind the scenes and off the streets for the real Bangkok to see what no one else sees and understands.

Let's play Guess Where the People are Flying?

2010-06-10T05:16:00.000+07:00

Ok friends, yesterday it was time to play, Guess Where the People are Flying? This is when you walk through DFW and you have to guess where the waiting people are heading. You know that the blondes are all going to LA, the latin model types are all heading to Miami. Now the toughy, when you have a crowd of overweight pasty white people sitting there it could be many places. Could be Detroit or Minneapolis or even St. Louis. The point is, it's getting harder to tell these days since America is getting fatter by the day.

Need some humor?

2010-06-06T18:53:00.005+07:00

Now that the protests are over and the city is back to as close to normal as it can be. I thought it time for some humor. NPR is something I miss from the US but here it is on SNL.

A Country Destroyed

2010-05-20T15:34:00.003+07:00

Update since last night: The 17 story Zen Department Store which includes a roof top restaurant and True Fitness has been burned and is now collapsing. Central World Shopping area, 500 stores through 8 floors is now burned and destroyed. The Channel 3 Television station is now burned and had staff on the roof trapped until a helicopter rescued them. There were 32 fires around the city last night, mainly banks. The Army is finding grenades and bombs still set on the roads and periodically we hear the explosion. Reds are reported to be surfacing tonight and moving in small groups so we are staying in.

This is an updated look back at the last 4 days.

An oldie but a goodie

2010-05-19T17:16:00.001+07:00

In April 2009 when the protestors ended a 3 day riot in the streets of Bangkok, I used the old line from Gone with the Wind, "It's over, it's really over". Here we are a year + later and I want to use the same phrase. Unfortunately, it is only the first step to being over. Here is the sequence today:

6:30am The Army came in, taking down the barricades
11am The Army had made it to Rajadamri Road and was moving toward the stage
1:30pm The Red Shirt leaders surrendered and walked to the police headquarters to turn themselves in
2:30pm Bangkok erupts in fire as the Reds plan to burn the place down

So, thus far we have seen Chidlom, Ploenchit, Rama IV and now Sukhumvit all ignited. They are now targeting media companies, Channel 3 is on fire. A mob group just arrived to NBT, another television station and a group is heading to The Nation newspaper HQ.

Remember this is the Land of Smiles...my ass it is.

It's a beautiful day in the neighborhood... Mr. Rogers schadap!

2010-05-18T15:41:00.008+07:00

As the conflict continues here in Bangkok, we are forced to stay indoors as much as possible, no food delivery, no grocery stores and the street lights are all turned out in the neighborhood at night. I'm not trying to dramatize the situation by adding more photos but it is something I have not gone through before and find it quite fascinating.

If you have been to this neighborhood, you will recognize some of the landmarks in the background of the photos. Credit to the Boston Globe, great shots. I know the music makes it over the top.

Bangkok Violence Continues

2010-05-17T14:20:00.003+07:00

About 13 months ago I wrote a small piece on Dan the Man from CNN. How he was a bit on the emotional side of the reporting compared to the ABC (Australian). Now we are faced with the same but worse situation. Here is a piece that I think he has done pretty well in that the emotion is out and may be even a bit flat.

As you watch the grocery store in the piece that is Villa Market which is about 100 meters from us and our main shopping store. The battles you see are about 200 meters from us and there are reports that there are bullets strikes in the buildings at the end of our driveway. Anyway, we are safe and have food and of course rum for a week should the shit really hit the fan.

Who day shootin at?

2010-04-25T17:27:00.001+07:00

Today's little nugget of Red Shirt vs the Thai government comes from the roof top pool of our building. Earlier this morning we heard a helicopter hovering, not sure if it was army or news. Turns out it was army. One lonely army helicopter. Who was in it, not sure.

What we did see and hear were bottle rockets being launched into the sky. Seriously, good old fashioned New Year type fireworks being launched from bamboo tubes, hoping that they would hit the helicopter which was hovering a good 400 meters above us. What do the reds think they will accomplish by shooting bottle rockets in the sky? Give me a break.

Is Thailand moving to civil war? I sure hope not!

2010-04-24T09:28:00.002+07:00

Here is a video which is not typical CNN quality, it's better. CNN will show anything of top drama quality just to sell some more ad time. This time I think they got it right. Must be that Dan "the man" Rivers is down under in New Zealand or elsewhere and not covering this event.

Not to send panic to anyone or be dramatic like CNN but this is my neighborhood of which I live and work.

Songkran - Thai New Year!

2010-04-14T19:13:00.001+07:00

Songkran is once again on us and with it come the water terrorists that head to the streets with water cannons and buckets of iced water to throw at passers by. No one is spared from this ritual and everyone ends up wet and beating the unbearable heat with it.

However, this Songkran has a new twist, Red Shirt protestors are out in mass force on the city streets doing as they would in their home towns but this time carrying the message of deposed Prime Minister Thaksin.

Just three short days ago, a normally wet and fun area, Khao San road, turned bloody and was left in shambles with assault vehicles burned and tear gas canisters rolling in the gutter.

Today tourists and Thais alike are spraying each other with water including this elephant which delivers quite the water spray.

Let's get our world back to normal now and enjoy this holiday for what it should be and not as a time of mourning for those that lost their lives at the hand of the red shirts.

Red Shirts - They just keep coming

2010-04-14T18:59:00.001+07:00

I know the world has been reading and seeing our "red shirt" situation in Bangkok. Seriously, they just won't go away. Today they decided to shut down their other camps in the city and are now all camped out, literally camped like refugees, down Rajadamri Rd. No one sees an end to this. If the Prime Minister steps down and turns it over to the reds, there will be mass rioting by the yellow shirts. Then the fun and games start all over again.

Here are some photos of recent.

Red Shirts for the love of god!

2010-04-10T17:52:00.002+07:00

We are now in the 3rd week of protesting and in our 7th day of full on occupation of the busiest shopping district in Asia, not to mention this is where I live. So many of these yahoos have no idea what they are fighting for as long as they get their 500 thb each day. They are sleeping in the streets, pissing all over the place and truly making their country a complete mess. Do they not care? Do they not know that once this is finished they will be no better off and will have only damaged their country's future?

Here are some pics of what is happening. While so far no real violence has erupted, when you see these temperatures (its 40C/104F) these temperaments, and a puppet master pulling the strings from afar, you have a tense situation.

Reds

2010-03-15T07:09:00.000+07:00

It seems the tuk tuk drivers are the easiest bought and persuaded in this recurring battle of red vs yellow. While the Red Shirts didn't quite get their 1,000,000 members marching on Bangkok, I bet they did get 1,000 tuk tuk drivers. If you know Bangkok, you know that tuk tuk drivers will do anything for a baht. So it's only appropriate they are the ones to be on the street in masses.

My hat goes off to PM Abhisit who has kept his cool and not bowed to the circus acts presented by the opposition. (Notice I didn't even use the other guy's name? Not worth it anymore.)

TEA Party

2010-02-26T21:36:00.002+07:00

I have just returned from a trip to the US to find that American's are now into the TEA Party with the leader on the tele being none other than Sarah "I live next door to Russia and can see it from my kitchen window" Palin. Are you kidding? What dumb asses are following this woman? Boom Goes the Dynamite!

One last thing, could someone please for the love of GOD and all that's holy give American's back their G. Who took the G away? killin, runnin, winnin, eatin...F#@k, where is the G?

Armageddon, Armageddon

2010-02-26T21:24:00.000+07:00

I am sure this has been around a while since I had received it in 2005. But I found it again today as I was deleting emails and it never loses its value for a Friday Funny.

What happened to Hong Kong?

2010-01-27T17:49:00.000+07:00

I have been coming to Hong Kong for many years and it has always had this energy and buzz. Similar to Tokyo; black suits, hustling about, moving through the network of underground MTR stations. Escalators packed with standing people on the right, walkers on the left.

Now I am back and what the hell happened? I'll tell you what happened, iPods, iPhones and technology. Now there are people weaving while they text. Talkers who just suddenly stop in the middle of the train entrance to speak to someone. We rely on this city for its frantic pace and energy. We know that it will only take x minutes to cross from Causeway Bay to Tsim Sha Tui with everyone walking the same pace.

I want my Hong Kong back.

Bangkok Street Food

2010-01-17T10:13:00.002+07:00

Every street and soi in Bangkok every day is filled with street vendors selling just about every food you need. Som Tom, Dim Sum, Thai Omlette, Noodles with blood soup (ugh) and fresh fruits and squeezed juices. The thing that all vendors have in common no matter what the menu, is the little plastic bag. The food or drink is served in the bag, they then hand it over in another bag. Bags Bags everywhere!

Today for the first time I ate something off the street. Dim Sum (steamed) each in a small bag, the soy sauce was in a separate bag blended with fresh chilies, then all of them were put into another bag.

So far I haven't gotten sick and my system would have expelled it if it wasn't good. I may be back.

Hair Cuts

2010-01-10T19:05:00.001+07:00

Everyone goes to their regular place and gets their regular cut, some times shorter, longer or layers or not, but in Thailand it's hard to find that place. "Just a clean up" ends up an inch off and a look of shock on my face. Hold the phone and WTF? I have gone to Japanese cutters since they are exact and precise but there is a reason they are no longer in Japan. Do I really need to fly off to western worlds to get a good cut? I really don't think that's possible. Oy!

Tucker Max

2010-01-05T20:57:00.002+07:00

I am sure that all people living in North America have heard of him and of his movie/book. Really he is a self admitting asshole, drunk, social moron, but his stories just make you laugh. Not so much that you want to actually live them or find yourself jealous in any way of him. Just funny that some schmuck could put himself in such situations and wrote about them.

A good friend who recommends books to me, typically on the edge type of books, sent me this one. Now she is a live wire of a Japanese woman living in Singapore and now I know she has a dark side. Always suspected it!

I have listed Tucker Max's web blog on my list of recommends just because I want people to laugh and put it all in perspective. Apparently he never updates so it won't be there forever.

Go ahead, laugh your fucking ass off. One of my favorites is the blow job stories.

(If you are offended by this last statement, don't go over to the web site.)

What's he do for crust, mate?

2009-12-20T12:09:00.000+07:00

Now what the hell does that mean? I actually heard "crux", even more confusing but he did say crust. "Crust" means bread which means money. So "What's he do for crust, mate?" Translates to - What does he do for a living.

I would suggest everyone get a MacQuaries Dictionary for the Aussie slang before you visit.

I finally spoke to a porn star!

2009-12-01T21:25:00.000+07:00

Last year you may remember that I posted about Baroness Von Pornstar who attended the annual Tree Lighting Ceremony with HRH in attendance. I deleted the post as I was new to the blog world and immediately received a note from a reader that he knows her and he was asking who I was to write about her. I didn't really want to cause that much of a stir so I deleted the post.

This year I have figured out how to block that person from following me (I think) and once again have the opportunity to post something. The reason I can write again is that I met her last night in the flesh. If you recall, the rumor is that she purchased her Baroness title in Germany which makes her a bit of a fraud but indeed is a former soft porn actress from the 60's. If she is indeed a Baroness, I am sure she did her family proud by then becoming a Pornstar. Either way, she's a character.

While I was keeping an eye on her from the start because she was crashing a party for which she was not invited, she really wasn't doing anything wrong but eating and drinking a bit. Until that fateful moment. She claims that she knows the King of Thailand and carries a photo-shopped picture to prove it, she said she knows the Pope (I didn't ask which one, remember she's old), she said she knows the Queen of England too. But her fateful moment was when she jumped in front of the Princess as she entered the building and apparently this Princess doesn't know the Baroness.

We were immediately notified to control this "guest", who claims she has been attending this event for 20 years, and if we did not, the Palace Police would physically remove the 80 year old Pornstar. I had the fun of finally approaching her and confronting her on the attack, asking why she crashes the party each year (same answer, knowing the Pope), and telling her that she was not welcome back unless she was an invited guest. She stayed clear of the Princess the rest of the night and I think she got the message.

Needless to say, another holiday party has come and gone and we all look forward to next year to see if the Baroness Von Pornstar ends her 20 year reign.

The Christmas Stories continue - The Santaland Diaries by David Sedaris

2009-12-01T20:11:00.000+07:00

The best time you will spend this holiday season. So grab an eggnog, sit back and enjoy David's reading.

Part 1

Part 2

Part 3

Part 4

It's that time of year - my favorite Christmas Stories

2009-12-01T19:58:00.001+07:00

Seasons Greetings to our Friends and Family!

Part 1

Part 2

Is Oxygen Dangerous?

2009-11-28T20:11:00.003+07:00

I was sitting at a table of all Thai colleagues and discussing walking through the park next to my house. I was told and it was unanimously supported by the table that walking in the midst of all the carbon dioxide that the trees put out is dangerous and I should not do it so much.

I took a second and put on my "are you smarter than a 5th grader" hat and said trees emit oxygen not CO2. Further more, it isn't ever dangerous to be near a tree for the O2 it is putting out, lightening yes, O2, NO. This caused a table discussion where everyone, not joking and dead serious, said that is what they all learned in school.

What is the country teaching its youth?

Grandma says the darndest things

2009-10-18T19:25:00.004+07:00

This came to me via the Mandarin language speakers on an airline we all know and love.

OK, I'm Back.

2009-10-16T21:36:00.003+07:00

Now don't think that things have gone down the toilet since I posted last but that last post really reminded me of a couple of funnies that just make me laugh.

When you have a bit of gas and just don't know what to do. Better out than in, I say.

And of course this one. Always a favorite.

Oops I crapped my pants

2009-10-16T21:05:00.007+07:00

I have been MIA recently due to being stuck in the Twitterverse. The unknown area that reaches potentially millions of people around the world instantly. Really a fantastic phenomenon but one that does take a bit of cyber attention and energy.

That said I had to come back to share my Friday laughter therapy. I still laugh when I read this.

Just saying hi hope you're well. Spent a loooonnnnnngggg weekend with (name withheld) here and now I'm convinced (name withheld)'s retarded. Worst guest EVER. She shit the bed among other accomplishments. Anyhow. Xoxo

My first reaction was, did (name withheld) stay in the bed I sleep in when I visit? Answer, no. Whew!

Now back to your regularly scheduled program.

Twitter me this

2009-09-04T22:29:00.002+07:00

I am having so many conversations these days about Twitter I am about to start telling people to go tweet themselves. If they think this is the next coming of Christ then why the hell aren't they tweeting themselves? I realize it reaches people but what I have also seen recently is a guy who tweeted his entire holiday in Maui. What kind of SMF (twitter talk for sad mother f%$ker) spends his entire time in Maui tweeting and responding to the returned tweets.

Get me another Lahaina Lemonade and screw this Twitter crap.

RBSC - If only this was Universal

2009-08-22T20:33:00.008+07:00

Played golf today at the Royal Bangkok Sports Club. An 18 hole golf club in the center of Bangkok. I never thought 18 holes could fit in to the center of a horse racing track but it does. Not only that, I still shot a 97 which is what I shoot when I play a course of 5500 yards.

The most unusual part is that on every water hole, there were plenty, there was a guy swimming in the pond just in case you dropped one in the water. I didn't lose one but I think you had to slip him a few hundred baht if he found it. But when does he come out of the water?

How much is too much?

2009-08-14T22:08:00.007+07:00

Received an email which was copied to all in the building today, that's 600 people:

Khun XXXX in hospital for hemorrhoid surgery. Expected release is unknown.

So how much information is too much? We care about our employees and we want them to feel we do appreciate the job they do but really, how much is too much?

Do I really need to know about her hemmies?

Roon-ism

2009-07-31T15:05:00.002+07:00

Roon-ism for the day to the airport:

Roon, I good road. (Then laughing at himself hysterically)

On the way to the airport today, Khun Roon did a D&W, Duck and Weave to avoid the traffic and end up where we needed to be, on the freeway. We ended up through the Big Echo and a bank then out to Wireless and through a double lane past the US Embassy.

Roon, you good road!!!

Save the Drama for your Mama!

2009-07-28T17:12:00.004+07:00

You have an intern who looks like the little doll pictured here. You add in her Hi-So family and her attitude of not wanting to fit in to the corporate culture and you have the drama for the day.

When does bright red hair and contact lenses, which make your eyes bigger and blacker, fit in with a culture of conservatism?

We aren't a match, go save the drama for your mama!

Copper and Garlic

2009-07-27T14:13:00.004+07:00

You won't know what I am referring to unless you live here but there is an overall bad breath problem in Thailand. The food is just amazing and as such everyone eats it all the time, breakfast, lunch and dinner. But with eating the basic food for all meals there is an overall bad breath problem in Thailand. Imagine sucking on a coin then a piece of garlic. That is what it smells like.

Scenario #1: The taxi driver had to get an air freshener as I think he was grossing himself out with his breath following his morning bowl of noodles.

Scenario #2: You sit in the chair getting your hair washed at the salon and even through they are using some very strong fragrance shampoo, the overwhelming power of the hair washer's breath breaks through and here comes the copper garlic smell.

I know its cultural but it's every where.

In Celebration of the 4th of July

2009-07-05T17:08:00.003+07:00

As an American it's all about the July 4th BBQ. Ok, not really but on this one day we do indeed fire up the BBQ and grill a few steaks, burgers, breasts and perhaps a dog or two.

On this occasion here in Bangkok we don't just fire up the BBQ but we have our Housekeepers stand over the grill so we don't have get hot and smokey. That is the scene yesterday at a BBQ we were invited to attend. I expected the ex-pat men standing over the grill, beer in hand, asking everyone, "how do you like 'em?" but no, it was the housekeeper sweating and standing over the open flames, looking like "what the f#@k is this shit?".

So on this occasion of firing up the barbie, I guess the phrase is not "how do you like 'em?" but "mai pen rai!"

Roon-isms

2009-07-04T07:49:00.004+07:00

In an adventure last night, we head to what is being sold to me as a romantic lake setting with a fantastic local Thai restaurant. It didn't start out that way. After two attempts of grabbing a taxi that we need to take us the 55 km to the restaurant, there is no one that will take us and they all tell us to get out of the car.

To the rescue...Khun Roon. My ever semi-faithful regular taxi driver who happens to be sitting in my driveway with an overheated engine. He looks at the map which is written in Thai and shouts, CAN! He slams in the last bottle of water to the engine, drops the hood down and off we go. After many stops to let the engine cool down, finally make to the restaurant on the lake.

Here come the isms.

"You call, I come, 2 hours"

"I found, Roon happy!"

"Roon good driver, practice go carts"

Just a few of them as our journey took us nearly two hours with the traffic. He waited until we were done, he fixed the car while we ate dinner then we were off again back to the city.

The Inca Trail and beyond

2009-05-24T02:12:00.008+07:00

I am out of the clouds and off the trail, considered to be one of the toughest treks in the world, the Inca Trail. With a four day hike and walking 48 km or 30 miles at altitudes ranging from 8,000 feet to 13,900 feet or 2,500 meters to 4,200 meters, it is grueling and something that brings one to understand that the Incas were one tough group of people. They built 5,000 km of trails all from grainte blocks from the years 1200 to 1600 before the Spanish over threw their kingdom. What the spaniards didn't find was Machu Picchu as well as many other sites.

Take a look at these videos to get an understanding of the trek and the terain contained in the Peruvian Andes.

You know you're in Saudi when...

2009-04-26T13:17:00.023+07:00

When you land in Riyadh it is so obvious as to where you are for the following reasons:

1. The air is so dry you have constant nose bleeds.

2. For miles/kilometers you see nothing but sand, sand and more sand.

3. Every man walking is wearing a white robe with red checkered head dress and you start to think it looks pretty comfortable given the 47C degree day.

4. The black ghosts you see walking silently are sporting a beautiful set of eyes through the 2 cm opening and you wonder who is under that thing.

5. You see the women (black ghosts) toating all the luggage and children at the airport while the men are only carrying a brief case.

6. It's 10:15pm and you are still waiting for a client to show for a dinner appointment, who in actuality is only 15 minutes late due to traffic.

7. You have an audience with HRH Prince XXXX, the King's brother, and you are the only foreginer in the receiving room and all the white robed men are staring at you, wondering why you want to see him.

8. Through out the day you are interupted with hypnotic hymns wailing from the mosques and the entire country stops to pray but you.

9. And the most obvious reason you know you're in Saudi is when you are at a restaurant and are handed a cocktail menu, the specialty of the house, mojitos, doesn't list a drop of rum.

10. Inshala!

All Alcoholics, Listen Up!

2009-04-19T22:49:00.004+07:00

For all the alcoholics in the room, you don't need to say who you are, you really need to come to the Middle East. It's a cleansing place where one can rid themselves of the toxins of the drink. Flush your body with a glass of fruit juice, then another glass, then another since that is all that is served here. This isn't intended as a colon cleansing, remember why you are here, it's about your love of the drink.

Yes, if you are really serious about giving up the buzz, get on a plane and head to the the land of sand.

The Underdog, The Unexpected...The Winner!

2009-04-18T23:36:00.005+07:00

I may have been living under a rock, or at least in Bangkok or even Tokyo for that matter but I have just heard on the news the latest sensation to hit the show Britain's Got Talent. Now I know you may have heard of this already and forgive me for being behind but I can't get enough of this underdog winning and making such an international sensation.

Youtube has just with one posting over 25 million views of her audition for the show. There are many that are posted and all of them growing in clicks and views.

It's the feel good moment of the week when the Bangkok city streets were erupting with Dan the Man reporting and the economy still in the dumper, then comes Susan Boyle.

Feel good about this moment for her and for the world.

CNN's Dan Rivers is a big girl!

2009-04-15T11:42:00.010+07:00

When it comes to reporting, Dan Rivers is a big girl. There I said it again.

I know it must be quite scary to be in the center of a riot and not really know what will happen next but let's ask ourselves the true question, why was he there?

Is Dan Rivers there to be dramatic and help the ratings for CNN by sensationalizing the reports? Or is he there to give a factual report of a political situation that has erupted in to public unrest?

There are many facts that he left out or sensationalized this weekend. Here are two that were favorites of mine that stuck with me:

He reported that the Army was firing AK-47 rifles into the air and at the crowd of demonstrators. The Army actually used blanks or "paper" bullets - he forgot that little point.
He used the term Molotov Cocktail Bombs repeatedly in his segments, sounds so much more dramatic than gasoline bombs, the term used by the BBC and ABC.

I understand if you are on the street and start to hear the sound of machine gun fire, that would unnerve the most experienced of reporters, with the exception of Dan Rather maybe. But unlike the BBC and ABC (Australian Broadcast Corp) who actually reported that they were firing blanks, Dan the man kept reporting about the gun fire, leaving the blanks part out. Didn't the lack of bloodshed and lack of dead bodies on the street raise a question in his mind? Maybe he thought we wouldn't ask that question.

The BBC and ABC reporters, who were also located amongst the chaos, were factual and not over dramatizing the situation; I give them both a lot of credit. Dan on the other hand, not so much.

On another note, Dan who is ever diligent in the pursuit of sensational journalism, gave the impression to the world that the entire city was under siege while clearly mentioned by the BBC and ABC, in the rest of the city, outside of the government house areas, the Thai people were celebrating the Songkarn New Year water festival. Making their only New Year wish that the world see Thailand as a peaceful nation so that life can get back to normal for everyone.

Red Shirt Tea Party

2009-04-12T21:52:00.006+07:00

What would you do for a thousand baht? What would you do for a thousand baht a day? What would you do for a thousand baht a day including food and water?...and a red shirt? For your knowledge, a thousand baht is US$30. That is what the Red Shirt party is offering to protestors who come and fight the cause for them regardless of their political position.

The bloody Red Shirt protestors have once again fucked up this country and are taking it down all for $30 per day. While the leaders of the game have changed from the November 2008 government over throw, the protestors have not. They are the same up country folks who normally make $15 a day wages while they farm or work in factories. With the exiled Prime Minister pulling the strings and funding the war, why not shut down the country that provides just $15 per day to the majority of its people. Even $30 is better, no?

If only they realized that CNN and all the other national television news stations from around the world are covering their 3rd world government overthrow. Making the country look out of control and a place on par with the Republic of Georgia. And who in their right mind is going to Georgia right now?

Would everyone just settle down and wait for the next election please. We may not like our leaders but we don't try to club them to death and chase them through the building.

Happy freakin' Easter!

Another Songkran Holiday

2009-04-08T06:49:00.003+07:00

Well it's that time of year again. Yes, the time when we defend our cell phones from the adolescent terrorists who roam the streets of Bangkok celebrating the Thai New Year. They search for potential targets then soak them up with jasmine scented water from the "Super Soaker" type squirt guns they carry so blatantly in the public eye.

Yes its Songkran time! Time to beat the heat of Thailand by taking in a bit of cool wetness and maybe being chucked into a pool when you walk past and expect it the least.

Tourists beware!

Did I mention the advert for Miss Songkran pageant? All men welcome.

Yu wan stetch?

2009-03-09T21:35:00.002+07:00

Everyone needs to understand the benefits of a full stetch after a big workout. It helps your posture, it helps lengthen your muscles and above all it helps your back, boy does it help your back; especially when your hip is pulled from its joint and then put back in place, ahhhhh.

So next time you work out, don't forget to stetch.

Japanese Culture

2009-03-02T12:15:00.003+07:00

I am in route home after an amazing wedding this weekend. Masayuki weds Jodie and with it come the Japanese clan down to Byron Bay. Here we have a 70ish proud Japanese man who doesn't speak English and having had a stroke a few years ago, walking with a cane and needing help to approach the front, give a perfect speech in English that starts with:

Today is a proud day!

He then proceeds to give the entire speech in English with his wife giving him cues behind him. If you haven't studied or been to Japan you won't get this but the Japanese culture is like nothing else on this earth.

There is nothing that would have stopped that man from giving that speech and nothing short of death would have stopped him from making it to the front of the room. They are proud and a wonderfully respectful nation.

All you need is love, da da dada dah...

2009-02-13T23:56:00.006+07:00

Out to dinner tonight at the restaurant Zense at Central World, that tells us upon arrival, Reservation? No, none tonight. Sorry we are completely booked. Really? You never are and we live here to know. Yes, no seats available tonight... well hang on just a minute. OK, come with me.

As it turns out, the restaurant is completely empty all night except for us and a single girl with a Pepsi cup and a margarita in front of her. This is a martini Ritzy-Tittsy type of place, they don't serve Pepsi cups here. The girl looks like she is holding down this table for 10, maybe the first to arrive of the group.

Not so much.

After sitting there a while, she proceeds to put her head down on the table for a good long nap with no one noticing from the staff.

She then proceeds to start wailing loud and solemn, like the boyfriend she was waiting for just jilted her on V-day weekend.

Hours later she is passed out sleeping on the table and the staff wrap her in a blanket, how nice. She is still wailing by the way, albeit quieter now.

After one of the worst dinners I have ever had from a service perspective, we leave and walk by the girl who after three hours is still passed out but now with one eye open. She is obviously acting to see if anyone besides the staff will pay attention so that she can find the love of her life. It is Valentine's Eve by the way. As we walk by her to leave the restaurant we say, give it up, your not going to pull tonight, she looks up at us and gives us a wink.

Come on! Give me a break here. How desperate are you?

Extra Sundays

2009-02-09T19:21:00.004+07:00

This was a long weekend in Thailand. The holiday was on Monday so that was a an extra Sunday in my book. What was the holiday? Makha Bucha Day of course.

It commemorates two separate events that occurred on the same date 45 years apart, during the Buddha's lifetime 2,500 years ago. The first event was the coming together of 1,250 monks from all locations and directions, to meet and be ordained by the Buddha. This event occurred seven months after the Buddha began his teaching. The second event, which occurred 45 years later, was the Buddha delivering his teachings shortly before his death. Both of these events occurred on the day of the full moon of the third lunar month, a month known in the Buddhist Pali language as 'Makha'.

Regardless and this is not meant to be inappropriate but it's still an extra Sunday.

Sales Training 101

2009-02-03T21:55:00.007+07:00

My life right now is all about finding anyone who will come and spend money. Oh, and why are people spending money next door and not here?

So with that, the pressure is on to find the next big tuna, or any tuna or any school of minnows swimming by. A friend shared this with me and I have been referring to it a great deal in the past few weeks, even shared it with the corporate higher ups. I know its a very old video but one that is getting me through this little crisis. Sales Training 101.

This just in from Tokyo

2009-01-30T23:33:00.003+07:00

It's been a while since posting, mainly cuz I think the early part of the year is all about dealing with post holiday follow up and catch up and you don't have time to scratch your arse. Well just when you think you have nothing to report, your buddy in Tokyo sends over something to make your morning.

"The put water cap opened by downing it the turn in the reception desk at checout and candid advice was said. It apologized then and there. I hear that the guest did not have the appearance of anger. There was a thing the amount of the number of water centimeter where the cap opened certainly has decreased when going to the room for the confirmation. It is noted there is not the future this. It Anauss it as the morning briefing."

Usually I can decipher what the emails are about but here on this day, today, not a freakin' clue. The only thing I get from this is the guest was not angry or so they heard.

And this guy was on my team. Course he did slam a shot of soy sauce thinking it was an espresso and had to have his stomach pumped at 4am when he was Manager on Duty, not the sharpest tool in the shed.

Monday Morning Quarterback

2009-01-19T21:02:00.003+07:00

By definition, it is a person who calls the perfect game on Monday when all the big games took place on the Saturday and Sunday prior. One who points out the obvious and always wants people to think they knew how it "should have gone" a few days following the outcome. In the US we call that Monday morning quarterback. It might also be known throughout the world as "hind sight is 20/20".

This of course takes place in the business world as well. And today is Monday so out come the quarterbacks. For once I would like them to suit up prior to the game, be in the game, get beat up and thrown about like everyone else in the game and not just show up after the fans have all gone home and the lights in the stadium have been turned off.

New Political Party in Thailand

2009-01-14T21:50:00.007+07:00

I am sure you are all tuned to your televisions and are searching out our political situation in Thailand, why wouldn't you be? Well you have probably not heard that there is a third political party, yes a third party of all things. Of course you know we have the Yellow shirts and of course the Red shirts. They are the ones that shut down the airport and have caused trauma and disrepair to this great country with no regard for the people. Now, there is the No shirts.

The No Shirt party comes to us in protest of the protestors - to show how absolutely sick the country is of this red vs yellow shirt crap. The people of Thailand are suffering through lack of business to the hospitality industry and by the corporate decisions to move manufacturing off to Malaysia and Singapore. So in support of the No Shirt political party, I say YAY and you have my vote. Enough of this color stuff.

Only in Bangers

2009-01-11T19:25:00.002+07:00

While the sentiment is nice and of course the service is unexpected at a Holiday Inn, you have to laugh a little at the name of the staff member. Only in Bangkok.

Say it fast and with a south Philly accent.

Elephant Body Surfing

2009-01-09T20:19:00.000+07:00

Just returned from a long weekend down in Phuket.

While the sun was not out until the last two days, I did get to witness some great body surfing.

Are you from Michigan by chance?

2008-12-10T09:44:00.005+07:00

Just returning from a holiday back to the states and with it the realization that Americans are overweight and I mean big time. Being from Michigan myself, I recently received invitations from "friends" on Facebook and with it comes many photos of themselves and their families.

Once I shared these photos, I was asked the question, "is everyone from Michigan that big?"

Not that there is anything wrong with it but it made me realize that Americans are eating too much of the wrong foods and not getting out to exercise at all it seems.

Now my bag was overweight by a few kilos and I ended up paying Southwest Airlines $25.00 to allow my bag of tricks to go with me (I was given a Brookstone room fan which I had to schlepp with me). But what about the overweight people? Do they have to pay overweight charges for their bodies?

When walking through DFW Airport last week we walked past the Detroit flight and before I could look at the monitor I knew where it was headed. The choices in my head were Minneapolis or Detroit, had to be. I knew this by looking at the people sitting in the departure lounge. Do you think the airline adds extra fuel for those flight routes?

I know this might be offensive to some of the people out there and it is not intended to be so, but living in Asia for four years now has made me forget the McDonalds Super Size nation I once lived in.

Here is an interesting article addressing the flying issues of todays supersize Americans.

You know you're on the way to Tokyo when...

2008-11-21T06:26:00.004+07:00

Sitting in the JAL Sakura Lounge at the Bangkok Airport at 6:15am heading for Tokyo. In the background, as I sip my coffee and eat my morning cake, I hear from every direction a sound synonymous only with Japan. The sound of slurping Japanese men while they eat their way through hot morning instant ramen noodles.

Ahhhhh

Monday - time for Tokyo update

2008-11-17T15:47:00.004+07:00

Dear All

The state that the Internet cannot be connected in the guest room floor is sometimes being generated now.

In the cause, the case for man who doesn't have the precise knowledge to touch LAN wiring and to have damaged the system is most. Therefore, Please never touch the computer and LAN wiring, etc. other than the system manager or engineering.

As for wiring in the hotel, domestic wiring and the system are different. When man who doesn't have the precise knowledge touches wiring, the system is destroyed.

Very Confucius don't you think? When Man doesn't have knowledge, the system is destroyed. Doesn't that just say it all.

Update from Tokyo

2008-11-10T08:21:00.004+07:00

I know I keep referring to Tokyo here but it just keeps giving me good material. I really can't wait to get back there in two weeks time to see friends and of course a big bowl of spicy ramen at Raku Raku.

So here is the Monday update, which I have to say threw me:

"It was said that the broiled fish of the dish of the dinner was hard, and had a new thing immediately though it ate in the place where it was about 13:45, it was Japanese restaurant Miyuki, and Mr and Mrs Dany of Ms who reserved it was a table seat. It was very high-spirited, and moreover, the child of Dany's next table very got angry about it, and put away today on the way of the meal of the shop..it was possible to go out.. coming to a store of a lot of guests of the child. The Miyuki Mori ran after soon, it apologized, and it apologized to staying manager's Kunimi manager in the lobby.

It apologized to section chief Kobayashi again in Jardin, and afterwards, coffee and the fruit were eaten and consented. By the way, I did not get the meal fee in Miyuki."

Translation:

The child next to M/M Dany's table was noisey and they complained.
Also, it took 3 attempts to charge the credit card as it would not go through.

Credit card?? I thought this was about the fish and screaming child?

Spirituality

2008-11-01T16:26:00.005+07:00

I have someone I would like to recommend to the world. How often do you hear this? John lives in Bali with his wife and wonderful family of three gorgeous daughters. He is one of the most spiritual people I have ever encountered through the many places I have lived and the trips I have taken around the world. His insight into life and his views and approach to the energies that surround all of us, guide each of us, reach to places I only wish I could go.

I have attached his link to his poems, his art and his journeys through Nepal and Bhutan for you to explore and enjoy. Feel free to contact him in Bali and let him know your thoughts and opinions on his website and his specifically his arts.

I guarantee you will see things differently.

This just in from Tokyo

2008-10-24T11:50:00.004+07:00

Resume/CV explanations why a young pastry chef wants to work for us.

"If I get assign to an unofficial decision, make repeated unceasing effort.
And I want to be a confectioner like the unsung hero behind kitchen. "

Amen sister, unsung hero, too many unsung heroes in this world.

Next time you are at a restaurant or hotel, ask to see the unsung hero pastry chefs. Go ahead and give'm a hug then tell them to head straight to therapy to talk about their lack of selfconfidence.

I have a car and driver...

2008-10-22T21:02:00.004+07:00

Ok, really I have a taxi and eager driver who on Monday was waiting at the curb, not for me but just parked there. Apparently I had taken him one other morning and he remembered me and immediately told me where I needed to go. He said he would pick me up again same time on Tuesday. As I came out of my apartment driveway, he was inching the taxi forward to see which apt complex I was exiting, blocking all traffic to get a good look.

Now on Wednesday, he was waiting in the apartment driveway with the door open. When I got in the car, he called someone who spoke English and we have now set up a weekly payment system on his suggestion.

Now the best part of this thing is that he doesn't speak any English so we will see how that goes when I need to change my time. He also will be charging me $6.00 a week or $24.00 a month.

I love this country! And don't you love the colors of the taxis in Bangkok?

How easy is it to vote?

2008-10-22T07:15:00.004+07:00

In some countries citizens are not allowed to vote or the elections are so corrupt the votes don't count. In the US, we can (with the exception of a few counties in FL) and we should, but do we?

Millions of Americans have died to ensure that everyone has that right to vote for the candidate they best see fit to run the country, levy taxes upon them and somewhat rule the world for the next four years. I have just faxed my ballot to the Miami-Dade County Clerks office and it could not have been easier.

Step 1. Look on line for the absentee ballot request form

Step 2. Fill in said request form

Step 3. Fax to your local registrar

Step 4. Three days later receive an email with your ballot and print it

Step 5. VOTE

Step 6. Fax back, it's that easy.

In some countries, Australia for example, it is mandatory for all citizens to vote no matter what. If you are out of town, vote absentee but it is the law.

It really stops the people the day after the election from bitching about the results when they didn't bother to get their fat asses off the couch and away from Oprah.

Just 13 days to go for you over in the US. Exercise your right!

A sanitary pad and a toothbrush

2008-10-17T21:35:00.004+07:00

We have weekend Manager On Duty shifts (MOD) in the hotel industry. The MOD is the one that allows all of us managers to have the weekend off and know that if the place burns down we don't have to deal with it.

With the weekend duty, the manager has to spend Saturday night at the hotel and test the standards. They have to eat in the hotel, perhaps have a spa treatment, make a fake reservation etc. On the following Thursday afternoon you give a report to the management team of how the standards were met and how the hotel performed.

So not sure if this is a cultural thing or just an age thing but the MOD for last weekend, a middle aged woman who has the nickname "pussy lips" due to the size and redness of her lips, reported to the group, "Called housekeeping for a sanitary pad and toothbrush". Not a sound in the room. Not because they were in shock that she actually used her time of the month in her test but I think because it was no big deal, which according to my sex educator father would not be. Some post comments were even "she still needs that?"

Besides the obvious funny part of this whole thing including a PowerPoint presentation, you could look around the room and see that only four people had a look of shock and amazement on their faces, all male foreigners.

Sanitary pad and toothbrush, it's a natural request at any hotel.

KCRW - NPR Santa Monica

2008-10-15T07:20:00.007+07:00

Each day I listen to KCRW in the morning to keep up with the news of the US. Its the end of the day wrap up show in Los Angeles but for me its the get a coffee and wait for it to kick in type of radio show.

Well, just heard on the radio in order of headlines was:

1. Los Angeles Magazine's annual sex issue is now on newsstands...

2. News on Iraq...blah blah blah

Sex sells, even on NPR, that's National Public Radio.

I love this advert

2008-10-10T22:20:00.001+07:00

It's a catchy little tune and just the way the world works. Not everything is as it seems.

God Bless America

2008-10-08T23:01:00.008+07:00

A funny little conversation that was had on a recent Qantas flight from Auckland (that's in New Zealand not Australia - if the Americans in the room are asking).

Flight Attdnt: "How was your holiday?"

Passenger: "I loved everything about Australia, fantastic! But I wanted to bring some souvenirs home for everyone and was about to buy a bunch of calendars with different pictures of Australia every month. Thank god I realized you guys are a day ahead of us so the calendars would be on the wrong day."

I guess Thursday, October 9 in the eastern hemisphere isn't Thursday in the western hemisphere. Does that mean I get another day to remember birthdays and anniversaries?

Racism is Everywhere

2008-10-03T13:18:00.006+07:00

This sign means that all foreigners must pay 20 Baht but Thai citizens get in free.

Question for the world? How do you respond when you are in the gym spinning and a staff member in a higher position than you refers to you as "the foreigners".

It's hard to really comprehend how you are received in a country where you are living as a guest until something like that slips. You work amongst a very nationalistic group of people, proud of their country and culture, but at the same time resentful of your mere existence.

Needless to say it was thrown back at her without haste but with no apology what so ever. This is the same person who said I needed to work every weekend because I was a foreigner and made more money and had a housing allowance. In a separate conversation she also said I needed to work every weekend because I am the "single" one of the group and everyone else has a family.

Just to put this in perspective, she has two housekeepers, a nanny and a driver.

My Geography is off

2008-10-03T06:52:00.006+07:00

When did Minnesota move to Alaska? I know they are both near the arctic circle but when you listen to people who "hale from them there parts" they seem to sound the same. Could it be that we have never heard anyone speak from Alaska?

Check out this NPR interview with David Gurkie who just makes Alaska sound so folksy and easy. "What happens when you see a polar bear?", "Well you just call 911 and let them know." Oh boy!

HRH Princess Soamsavali

2008-10-01T07:01:00.011+07:00

This weekend I was told that HRH Princess Soamsavali was coming to the hotel for dinner and since it was an Official visit and it was part of a 7 day World Gourmet Festival we hold every year and the GM was traveling, I had to have dinner with her. Short of pulling all my teeth out I couldn't think of anything more painful than sitting down with a princess to watch her eat.

Now Princess Soamsavali is the first ex-wife of the Crown Prince of Thailand and his first cousin, eww! But besides that she was actually very nice and took an interest in our worlds and shared stories of her life.

Prior to the dinner there were photos to be taken on her royal throne and all the chefs that had come from around the world. "Remember not to turn your back to her", is what we were also told. Have you tried to walk backward from someone without falling over yourself, not that easy. "Make sure your head is lower than hers is at all times", come on, you know how tall I am? So I see all these other people crawling around the floor at her feet trying to position themselves for the photo and I just couldn't do it. I was in a suit for gods sake. Besides did I mention ex-wife of the crown prince?

As it turned out I didn't have dinner with her as I was bumped for someone more important but it was a great experience to see the fluffing and fawning around her while she sat on her thrown watching the people crawl on the floor at her feet.

Bring on the Veeps

2008-09-27T10:50:00.002+07:00

I watched the debates from the other side of the earth and I admit I have lost touch with much of it. However it is truly clear now that Barack is the one that should change his home address. If you don't know the name of the president of Iran, just say Iran or some other side step vs getting it WRONG. It almost came off like, "you know who I mean, move on".

Now it's on to the Veep debate. I think it will be like watching a car wreck on the side of the road, you just have to see who's dead or the very least who comes away bloody.

Anderson Cooper: "But it still remains if they let her (Palin) do an interview again". Ya think?

Is that a phone in your pocket or are you...

2008-09-27T08:40:00.004+07:00

Just a note to all out there who entertain clients with wine and fantastic food...lock your phone keyboard.

You never know when your hot girlfriend is going to be leaving you a message in the morning saying she didn't think you liked chocolate. Huh? Well apparently when you don't lock your keyboard you end up dialing your girlfriend five times and she hears the entire evening including a discussion on the chocolate desert. Now of all the people that I have listed in my phone directory my pocket picked her. Now I just have to face accounting who will be questioning my five calls from Bangkok to Australia...oops!

ACL - The Best Music Festival in the World

2008-09-24T19:42:00.002+07:00

Just about now every year I make a pilgrimage to Austin, TX for another turn at discovering new music from all corners of the earth including the most obscure of places, Texas.

Austin City Limits Music Festival.

Last years highlights were the sexy and sultry Gotan Project, rocker blended with Inxs - Muse, Paolo Nutini - with his heart and soul and from the home town of Austin, Spoon.

Unfortunately I wont be making it back this year. However, to taunt me but good, ACL and iTunes put out a sampling to get you psyched for the amazing music experience. So now I sit here in Bangkok on a Wednesday night, wishing I was on a plane right now, listening to what is turning out to be a great evening of sample songs.

So far Nicole Atkins and Sharon Jones & the Dap-Kings are winners in my book. If you have a chance to head down to Austin, bare the 95+ heat and listen to some outstanding bands, 150 or more in three days, I really suggest it.

View of Japan

2008-09-18T09:58:00.002+07:00

I moved from Tokyo about 7 months ago and I do miss some of the craziness of the city and culture. I especially miss the way the English language is used by the Japanese.

In the hotel world we report on when a guest has a complaint; when the hotel does something that impacts a guest adversly; or sometimes just to let all staff know that a guest likes something a certain way. Many times when there is problem we appologize with a nice amenity and an appology note from the Manager on Duty, letting the guest know we care about the situation and value their feedback.

Well today's laugh came via email from a friend back in Japan.

"Report receiving supervisor Yonehara faces the apology for the guest by 15:43, saying that "the remote control of the TV doesn't move." It exchanged it for new remote control because it was broken when remote control was confirmed. It had at once and it apologized again I wanted to have eaten the fruit as follow-up. The guest is very with pleasure".

So what this really means is, the guest called down to say his remote control didn't work and when we went to the room at 3:43pm we confirmed it didn't work and replaced it. We then sent a note and fresh fruit and the guest commented he loved the gesture.

Facebook Shit-canned

2008-09-15T12:33:00.005+07:00

Let's just start with, if you are not familiar with Facebook then you have been living in a cave.

Created by 24 year old Y generation types to keep in touch with friends which had been lost during their very short lives. It has over 100 million active users and is the 4th most visited website in the world. It has grown to be a global, seven language, web based networking tool that spans from friends to business associates to groups in favor or against something.

So who would have thought that I would have been shit-canned by a "friend" who wanted to avoid seeing her ex-boyfriend who has recently gotten married. Not only this but her son in-law has been shit-canned since he was also a friend of the ex on Facebook.

Because Facebook allows you to see your friend's friends, you learn many things. As an example, you find for the first time that your ex has recently married, that they honeymooned in Langkawi and are posting pictures. You find that your friends are actually friends with the new wife and think she is fantastic.

The lesson is that you should not be "friends" with someone on line unless you are ready to accept all the public shit that comes with them. This takes us to a bigger lesson in life. When a couple breaks up, who keeps the friends? Being told that "I can't have you as a "friend" because you are a "friend" with the ex" is just not right as the world goes and seems a bit juvenile.

So the son in-law and I have been shit-canned and cancelled as "friends".

How do you penetrate deep enough?

2008-09-14T17:02:00.004+07:00

It's marketing plan time and budget time here in the corporate world. Trying to figure out where the next big Tuna will come from.

Will it be Seoul, Korea with the most vacation time of any country and one of the highest per capita income at $16,000 USD per household?

Will it be the Russian market who are benefiting from the quick rise in the price of oil and celebrating their new freedom?

Will it be the massive economies of India and China with nearly 1/2 the earths population between them, they are traveling and spending money if only the top 5%, which translates to 120 million people.

So how do you penetrate deep enough? How much money do you spend and what do you do to get them interested in you?

I love Saturdays

2008-09-13T09:45:00.001+07:00

For $100 USD per month (including groceries) I have a wonderful housekeeper who cooks and makes sure my underwear and all my crap is folded and ironed perfectly in my closet. But why do I love Saturdays beyond the obvious? She cooks a week worth of meals for me.

So they say the sign of a good cook in Thailand is being able to go a month and not eat the same thing twice. That is Khun Pem. Today, red curry with crab as well as pad thai with prawn...arroy!

What's it all mean

2008-09-13T00:15:00.001+07:00

Well, it's Japanese and Diajobu has become such a common phrase in my world; meaning, "It's all good", "No worries" and to increase the ease of it add Zen Zen before or after. Zen Zen Daijobu is beyond OK. Add Desu and its about you.

So, Diajobu-desu let's start the journey.